Miles sits with Colonel on a hard swing.
The hot Alabama air makes his shirt stick to him.
Just ahead is a beach and lake.
Cigarette smoke lingers in the air, his throat burns
and he begins to cough.
The sun is going down and the bugs come out.
He felt sad when his parents pulled away.
There he was, alone in his dorm room.
Finally his roomate arrives, short and muscular.
He is smart, a smoker, and a veteran at the school.
He makes miles feel scrawny and tall.
Colonel's friend named Alaska is attractive and curvy.
Miles tries hard to be funny and cool.
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the shirt sticking to him is such a great sensation and really shows how hot it is. I can smell the smoke in boh stanzas, and I love the contrast between the muscualr the scrawny and the curvy. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteYour poem is so descriptive that I actually feel sympathy for Miles. The sun going down, and bugs coming out, really sets the mood for your poem. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteI like the quote "the sun goes down and the bugs come out." I thought that was really great because I never heard something like that before and I thought it was great.
ReplyDeleteI love the imagery in your poem...from the hot, sticky shirt to his roommate's stature. The first stanza creates a great visual of the setting.
ReplyDeleteI liked how descriptive you were throughout the poem. In a way I felt as if I was in Miles' head and I could see what he was thinking. I feel bad for Miles in that he has to "try hard to be funny and cool" instead of just being himself.
ReplyDeleteThe vivid descriptions in the first stanza are great and I can easily picture how hot and uncomfortbale it must feel. I also like how you incorpoated the uncomfortable feeling of the first stanza into how the character felt uncomfortable and out of place in the 2nd stanza.
ReplyDeleteThis poem is really discriptive. My favorite line is "The hot Alabama air makes his shirt stick to him." It shows how hot it is in the setting. I like the setting and the outlook on the characters. Nice, solid poem. It seems like life seems dragful through the mood created.
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